Mamazen

Six and a half

My dear amazing Ruby,

You're six and half. WHAT? how did that happen? Well, it keeps happening, you just keep getting older, I guess I should get used to it... but it's so very hard. 

You are an amazing big sister. You've only showed aggression/frustration toward your little sister one time, and quite frankly you were having one of the worst days of your life that day, so I chalk it up to that. You're learning how to be helpful, getting her pacifier (or Chewey as you call it) and bringing me a blanket when she's nursing to sleep. You're also learning to make her laugh and smile. Lucy is ultimately fascinated by you. When you're playing near her she watches everything you do and it's completely adorable. When you do something that makes her laugh, you stop everything that you're doing and try and try to get her to laugh again. You have absolutely no idea how much I love this. THIS is why I wanted you to have a sibling. Your favorite things are to pretend to sneeze (very dramatically), to say "a goo goo!" to her (which makes her have the sweetest smile, and occasionally she goos back) and tonight you ROARed at her and she thought you were hilarious.  Over and over you roared and waited for her response. Sometimes when I think my heart can't take anymore... things like this happen.

 

I mentioned earlier that you'd had one of the worst days of your life, and it was one of mine too. You seemed to have hit a point lately where your sensory system was completely overloaded and one day you just snapped. You ran away from me in the street MANY times. Once a kind stranger stopped you before you got to an intersection, I don't know if you would have run into it but I was chasing you with Lucy asleep in her carseat and I know I couldn't have stopped you myself.  It happened many times in one day, sending me a bit over the edge and making me worry for your safety.  Fortunately within a few days you seemed to return to your normal (if not a little overstimulated) self. I'm so glad, because you mean the world to me. 

On your last day of school before winter break, on the other side of the country a very bad man walked into a school and hurt a lot of people, including killing 20 children your age. When I heard the news it was all I could do to not rush to your school and sweep you into my arms just to know you were safe and alive and still mine.  Every moment I can these past two weeks I am thankful for your safety and beating heart. I think about the parents who are grieving and I can hardly breathe trying to imagine the enormity of their grief.  I love you so very much. 

You just celebrated your 6th Christmas, and it was your first truly magical one.  I wondered if you would ever  *get* Santa and the magic that surrounds Christmas and this year you did. I had no idea if all the movies and chatter would affect you, but the morning of Christmas when you slunk into my bathroom while I finished showering (yeah, I was up EARLY with Lucy) and I asked you if you thought Santa had brought presents you replied "Let's go see!" and my heart leapt from my chest.  You waited patiently while I got dressed and then raced down the stairs, just like any other kid. When you saw the presents under the tree you exclaimed "PRESENTS!!!!"  and I knew that for a brief moment, you believed in Santa Clause.  You then ran into the guest room shouting loudly to your Nana and Grandpa "GET UPGET UP GET UP! Presents!" and I knew that everyone in the house was filled with the magic of Christmas. 

Then you excitedly opened each present, played with it briefly and then moved on to the next one. Christmas at our house is sparse. We don't buy lots of stuff, and this year, 3 of your 4 gifts to open were hand me down toys, which makes them all the more awesome knowing many other kids have enjoyed them before you. Your favorite gift was the box of pink legos, because you love all things pink (much to my dismay). You then helped everyone else open presents, delighting in each gift.  You truly embodied Christmas, and it was the Best. Christmas. Ever.

Speaking of the best things ever... our tree is amazing. You have taken decorating the tree to  a whole new level. Everything you colored, cut, made, or found ended up on the tree this year and I could not love it more. It is truly the best tree ever.

 

My darling sweet Ruby. I cannot believe you are  six and a half.  You amaze me on a regular basis, and your gains constantly take me by surprise. Your love for your sister and the sweetness with which you look at her fills me with so much joy. I have no idea where your life will take you, but for the past six and a half years I have loved where it has taken me. 

All my love, Mama. 

4 months

Dear Lucy, 

You are now 4 months old. (Yeah I'm not making these on your monthly birthdate, but two kids is a lot more work than one!) FOUR! You're rolling all the time, *almost* rolling from front to back but you're still not a fan of being on your tummy so most times you roll over you just get mad and shout (and then I roll you back.) You get stronger every day, doing your baby crunches, desperate to sit up... but you're not there yet, and I'm not into rushing anything. Take your time, I'm enjoying your babyhood. 

Well, I'm enjoying *most* of your babyhood. You're still having poop issues. You don't poop every day, and when you do it's mucusy (yeah, gross but this is what we will remember about your infancy, so why not tell you about it) I've pretty much removed everything that could possibly be irritating your tum from my diet, and am eating all meats and veg with a little oatmeal. I even gave up coffee. COFFEE. You'll understand someday when you're a grown up that coffee is very important. However if you decide to be a mama, you'll know that your babies are more important, even more important than coffee. Hopefully we'll start seeing a change soon, cause it sucks to see you feeling bad. 

You're belly laughing often, and you have a few ticklish spots. Ruby has managed to make you laugh by sneezing then fake sneezing over and over. It was so adorable and sweet that I thought my heart would explode. I would have gotten it on video to share with the whole world but sometimes you just want to keep things in your own heart. She loves you SO much. She still wants to kiss you every chance she gets (even ... no *especially* when you're sleeping). She's asked to hold you, and has tried to pick you up, but you're heavier than she can carry (thankfully). 

You've had your first Thanksgiving (and yes, we're all thankful for you!) and your first trip to the Christmas tree farm. One was warm and filled with laughter, and the other was cold and windy and... filled with laughter. 

Ruby loved the Christmas tree farm, running from tree to tree shouting "THIS ONE!" as they got bigger and bigger. She loves Christmas, the tree, the crafts, the lights. I can't wait for you to experience it with her! You watch everything she does, I'm sure you can't wait to join her in her adventures. 

You're mostly a happy little peanut, except when your tummy is bothering you. We've got doctors and lactation consultants, and all manner of woo woo practitioners trying to figure out what is going on. We will figure it out, I promise!  The other bummer that goes with your tummy woes is disrupted sleep. Some nights you wake up at 3 am and cry for a couple of hours, or squirm  and arch uncomfortably. It's heartbreaking and exhausting. 

My dear sweet Lucy Mae, a year ago you were just a glimmer of possibility in my heart. You were 1000 paper cranes strung over my bed. You were a whisper of hope after years of heartache. 

Now, here you are. Hope incarnate. Dreams made real.  You are 1000 paper cranes in a onesie. And you could not be more perfect. 

 

All my love, Mama