Mamazen: One month.

Dear Lucy,

And so, it begins. Six years ago when your big sister Ruby was one month old I started writing monthly letters to her, and wrote one every month till she was five, and now write them at least 3-4 times a year. I want you both to have them when you're grown up so you'll know all about the fun stuff you did, and how you became who you are before you could remember. Besides, it's fun.

So, let me be honest when I say that I never thought I'd get the chance to start these letters for another little person. Honestly, I can hardly type that without getting teary. It was a long road to get to you, almost impossibly long. Years before you were born, we thought we were done trying to grow our little family. We'd tried everything we could and had failed miserably and were heartbroken that there would never be another other tiny person growing up in our house. And then... we decided to give it another shot. We picked ourselves up and dusted our hearts off and crossed every line we'd ever drawn in the sand in the quest to bring you into existence. It was quite possibly the hardest, and easiest and most amazing choice we've ever made.

And it worked.

You've been here for one whole month. If getting you in was tough, getting out out was even tougher. Just like your sister, you required days of labor, hours of pushing (though you only needed 9 to your sisters 13), super human efforts on my part, ending in a cesarean birth. However, unlike your sister, I was more savvy, had a much better hospital team and your birth, though incredibly challenging, was not emotionally traumatic. In so many ways, your birth healed many deep wounds from your big sister's birth.

Speaking of your big sister, wow. She sure does love you. She constantly wants to shower you with hugs and kisses, and she's matured SO much since you got here. She's talking more, and trying new things and amazingly just exceeding all of my expectations. I can only imagine how the two of you are going to rock my socks as the years go by.

Unfortunately, your first month has been anything but quiet and relaxing. We've dealt with everything from major surgical complications, to the stomach flu, to lice, to gall stones, and now you and I are attending a 4 day conference together. Through it all you've been quite an amazing baby. You sleep pretty well, you're a great nurser, you're calm and relaxed (well not right now, you're out for a walk with your daddy because you were beside yourself with overstimulation) and really easy going. Everyone is madly in love with you, not just Ruby.

The journey to bringing you home has tested each of us in ways we never thought possible, and luckily we made it to the other side. I have learned so much about myself, my boundaries, my heart, and my tenacity. In order to get here, I had to dig deep, deeper than I ever thought possible, and do a lot of work. Your sister made me a mother, but you made me a tough mother. You have made me stronger than I ever thought possible, and softer than I ever imagined, and you opened doors I never knew existed within myself.

My dear sweet Lucy, I never thought I could love someone as deeply and as fiercly as I love your big sister Ruby... and then there you were, and oh my, how you climbed into my heart and stretched it larger than I ever thought it could be. You are so sweet and amazing and such a magical little being, so many people were waiting for you, folding cranes (I'll tell you that story some time too my sweet) and willing you into existence, and now here you are.

And, I love you beyond measure. xo Mama.

Comments

oh. :,,,,,,,,,,,,,) i had to take off my glasses for this one. so much love <3

Posted by: radishly | September 15, 2012 at 09:16 PM

Lucy... You affirm the phrase "because love is worth it" you are a healer beyond measure and I am forever grateful!!!

Posted by: Meg | September 15, 2012 at 09:17 PM

Kori, wow, that touched me so deeply. Having 2 daughters of my own....and such an amazing experience when the 2nd daughter comes into your life when you just aren't sure you can love another child as much as your first, you realize your heart opens and has that same special love for another, but in it's own unique way. And all is right with the universe, and this new blessing is exactly what was meant to be. Thank you for sharing and reminding me of the special bond between mother and daughter and to cherish every single moment...blessings to you and your beautiful family. Lots of love always, Melinda

Posted by: Melinda McGuire Cisek | September 15, 2012 at 09:19 PM