Mamazen: 54 months

My dear, sweet, amazing Ruby,

Today you are 54 months old. Four and a half. One day closer to FIVE. Do you have any idea how crazy this is to me? that I am the mother of an almost 5 year old? To be truthful, the fact that I am someone's mother is still sometimes a shock to me, but the fact that I am YOUR mother is something that has always been and always shall be. You are exactly who I expected, and a complete surprise all at the same time.

It's Christmas time and you are little by little, getting it. You love the Grinch with your whole Ruby heart, and sing the Who Christmas Song with such gusto that I think my heart grows three sizes each time I hear it. You stood in the window and sang "heart to heart and hand in hand" as your daddy strung christmas lights outside. I thought I might burst. I don't think you understand the concept of santa and gifts and the magic of it all, but you sure to understand the concept of loving and giving love. I don't know if you'll ever experience Christmas like your peers, but then again, they will never have any idea of the magic that lives inside you.

You're on winter break from both of your schools and we decided that I'd take off from work and we'd spend time trying to get you on the potty. Today I worked a half day as MVCS was open for parents who needed to work, and this afternoon you spend your 3rd day in under pants, running to the potty every 30-45 minutes. Sometimes you didn't want to, so we didn't but most times you were happy to sit and count to five, or sing a song with me, or look at ispy cards. After several hours you hadn't peed (the previous 2 days you'd pee randomly throughout the house shortly after sitting on the toilet) and I worried that you were holding back cause you were scared or anxious. You started acting like you had to pee, doing that dance, and pulling at your underpants. I grabbed my iPhone and set you up on the potty with some of your favorite short videos, but to no avail. You'd tell me all done, and we'd put your panties back on and you'd go right back to looking uncomfortable. So we'd try and try again, with no luck. Finally you let loose while we were coloring by the heat vent, and we rushed to the toilet just a moment too late. So I cleaned you up after we sat for a few minutes on the potty and then we went about our way making pizza for dinner. And then while eating your favorite pizza, you stood up, and looked anxious and pulled at your undies and off we rushed to the potty. You sat there for a brief moment looking slightly distressed and then...

You did it. YOU peed in the potty. You heard the tinkle tinkle as it hit the water and you looked straight into my eyes with wonder, with joy, with WOW! I thought I might cry, but I didn't (it was a close call though). You did it. You used the potty! Tomorrow we'll be at it again, trying trying trying so that you learn to listen to your body and know when you need to use the potty. I'll be by your side helping you figure it out, and you'll have accidents and we'll clean them up, but Ruby, you're growing up! you did it! I'm so happy for you that you've reached this point, that we're doing this together, I'm so proud of us.

My dear sweet Ruby, I can't believe you're four and a half. I can't believe it, and yet it is so. You are the child that changed my world, the shining light that showed the way. You are my joy, you are my joy, you are my joy on Christmas day.

All of my love, honor and respect, Mama.

Comments

First of all, beautiful. As always Momma. Beautiful. And secondly, YAY YAY YAY for peeing on the potty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xoxo

Posted by: kim | December 22, 2010 at 07:53 AM

You are such a good mama...so giving and loving--how lucky Ruby is. How beautiful your writing is--always so touching and pure. It brings me to tears every time I read your words...love!!!!

Posted by: erin | December 22, 2010 at 09:38 AM