day 08. Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Hmmm. I don't think any human being has ever made my life hell. Sure, I've been treated like shit. I had a boyfriend who hit me (once, and only. once.). I had another who was a jerk and liked to pick arguments with me. I've had many friends treat me like crap, including a couple who chose to dump me viciously while I was pregnant. I've had friends who have lied to me, stolen from me, broken my heart, and then expected me to still be their friend. But none of these people have made my life hell. It's MY life. I can make it hell on my own thankyouverymuch. 

The first time around through infertility treatment was hell. Not knowing if I'd ever be a mother, sheer hell. I ran my own business, and a huge part of my practice is treating pregnant women and babies, so it was easy to spend those quiet moments reflecting on what I didn't have, what I might never have and what others seemed to get so easily. Watching friend after friend get pregnant, give birth and subsequently parent (sometimes in ways I never would imagine) their children was hell. Then, watching many of them have another child while I still waited for my  one?  Ugh. Hell. 

But then, then I won. I succeeded. And it was all worth it. 

Now I'm in it again, yet it's a different type of hell. It's not as precarious, I'm not wondering if I'll ever be a mother, just if I'll ever mother another child of my womb.  My heart aches, and breaks but it's continually filled up by the child that lives in  my arms, not just my imagination. Still, on the cusp of a new hope, I will string up some paper cranes, and hope for a wish fulfilled.  

Comments

[pamelamama]

hugs.

[kim]

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3