wristbands

Today was our fertility clinics 20th anniversary family picnic, a catered event at the zoo.  We arrived about 45 mins after it started, and were somewhat surprised by the turnout. Why? I don't know. They've been doing reproductive medicine for 20 years, and IVF for 10. They've helped a LOT of families become... families. We filled our plates with burgers and salads and sat down to nosh and enjoy the festivities. After lunch, we did a photo op with our doc, and then watched the short presentation.  
It was overwhelming standing there with my science experiment / miracle child on my shoulders watching all of these families, realizing that we are not alone.  We wandered around the zoo for a few hours enjoying the animals and cool weather and I noticed every other family we saw had the purple wristbands we'd been given to get us into the event. Sometimes we would exchange nods, or slight smiles or knowing glances at each other's wristbands. I've encountered many people who have suffered through and survived the rollercoaster and mind fuck that is infertility, but it's another thing altogether to see so many of us in one place, identified so clearly, no shame, no guilt, just pride in the success. At points I was almost brought to tears by the sheer intensity of it all. 
When you're in the thick of it, injecting yourself with hormones, showing up at the crack of dawn for a cooter cam visit or waiting impatiently for the phone to ring with the results of your latest cycle... you feel incredibly alone. When you're examining the bruises on your belly or backside, scheduling your next cycle start or, staring down the first show of blood that signals the failure of another cycle, you feel intimately alone. When you're wandering through the mall watching all of the other happy families or envying the burgeoning bellies you see everywhere, you feel sadly, terribly, deeply alone. 

But today I was reminded that I am not. And I have a wrist band to prove it. 

Comments

[Danielle]

I'm glad you went today. It sounds like it was good for you to be surrounded by people who really get it. Much love to you.

[Nicole]

I'm glad you were surrounded by those who truly and deeply understand. Like Danielle said, people who really get it. Love you.

[Susannah]

Much, much, much love mama. I know the sheer joy of understanding finally that even though at times you can *feel* alone that you are not truly alone. <3

[megan]

so. not. alone.
xoxoxoxo