Mamazen

Dear Universe...

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

This morning, my sweet friend had an ultrasound that showed a perfectly sized, perfectly placed sac (too early to see an heartbeat) and her doctor has determined that they will proceed with this perfectly normal, healthy pregnancy. After I got the call, I got in the shower and wept, because sometimes, news is so good, you just have to cry.

So keep your red bracelets on, we've got a long way to go, but with the power of all the women in the world who are pulling for this baby, we will make it happen.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Keep it up. ;)

SPT, a day late

The rare (nowadays) lap nap. She's sleeping, that's cause to celebrate!

Ahem...

Hello, Universe? Did you read my previous request? the one where I asked you to give my friend C a break? the one where I begged you to give her some respite from the mindfuck of infertility and loss? well, could you go back and read it again? cause you're not holding up your end of the deal.

sincerely, K

Dear Universe...

I don't ask you for much, but I'm here to ask you a big favor. A really really special friend of mine is newly pregnant. She's battled so much to get where she is. She's had more losses than any one should ever have (well If I had my way there wouldn't be any losses for anyone, but I digress) and she's been through many incarnations of the infertility war. She's ended a marriage, and is bravely entering into parenthood as a single woman. She is my hero is so many ways. She's strong and smart and creative. She is brave and sincere and vulnerable. She knows what she wants and is willing to do what is needed to get there. She is a woman, through and through and I love her with all parts of my heart.
So, universe, I need a little help here. With her history of loss, there is a lot of fear and worry in her heart and mind. Can you give her a break? Can she just have a normal healthy pregnancy? Can you just leave her alone and let her reach this goal unencumbered? Is that too much to ask?
Well in the absence of a sign from the universe, I did a makeshift binding ceremony, asking this baby to stay put until we give it the sign to come on out.
I began with one of my (many haha) fertility dolls. This doll was given to me by one of my coworkers. When she gave it to me, it had a beaded bracelet around it's waist with the instructions to break the beads when you wanted to conceive. Let's just say the bracelet was broken for a loooong time.

I then took some red yarn (cotton cashmere - only the softest and best!) that was left over from MY birth blessing ceremony almost 2 years ago, and a bead from my birth blessing necklace. I chose a bead that is a piece of moonstone (I think) wrapped in a wire, with intention of offering this baby a safe place to stay for another 38 weeks.

I then wrapped the yarn around the doll 10 times (I wanted to do 38 - for each week - but the doll would have been mummified!) for 10 months of pregnancy, with the bead in the center. And placed it on my altar with a stone that says "trust".

Trust, and faith are the hardest things to come by at this point in a pregnancy when you've fought so hard to get there. Hope is the other one that you just can't manufacture most days, but C knows that I'm holding the banner of hope high, for the days that she doesn't have much. She knows that I'm here, loving her, and loving her baby and holding them close to my heart.

I'm also wearing my red yarn bracelet until the day you give birth, as a tie that bids us across the miles.

I love you, my sweet friend.

SPT, a day late

tuesdays, although they are my day off, seem to be busy and crazy and exhausting. so.. here is this weeks self portrait... Celebrating breakfast!

7 random things about meeeeee!

The Rules: Link to the person who tagged you. Post the rules on your blog. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs. Leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours.

1. I am allergic to several things, but mostly peanuts, almonds and pistachios. It won't kill me, but i'll get horrid eczema, and then wish i were dead or want to cut my arms off.

2. I used to be a cocktail waitress and bartender in a brew pub. I could drink many guys under the table. Now, half a margarita and I'm loopy.

3. When I worked at said brew pub, I once convinced the manager that we'd all be better servers if we spent a day brewing beer. So at 5 am one day, I put on a bikini (yeah, a bikini) and climbed into the mash ton and started cleaning and brewing beer, and drinking beer. by noon i was tanked, and running around like a fool. The brewery was in the middle of the bar, incased in glass. The lunch crowd got quite a show. Needless to say, no one else got the pleasure of brewing beer.

4. I once dated a guy named Bagel. he was an artist who was a virgin and a mormon. By the time I was done with him, he was still an artist.

5. I put lotion and lip balm on multiple times a day, have to or the eczema will make me want to cut my hands off.

6. Whenever I am in a restaurant, if there is a little box with sugar and the fake nasty stuff, I have to organize it. I think it's left over from my days as a waitress.

7. I love chocolate. LOVE it. would eat it all day everyday if it were acceptable. I'd drape myself in it if there were a way.

So... I tag
1. Jes
2. Alison
3.Rachel
4. Karen
5. Rebekah
6. Summer
7. kelly

Thursday Thirteen

This week turned out to be harder than last week, which makes me feel like patting myself on the back, but I know I can be greener, so I won't be too proud.
Mamazen's UNGREEN THIRTEEN

1. I eat meat. I was a vegetarian for a long time, but once I added meat back into my diet I felt healthier and had many less allergy problems. Health won. I choose only local/organic so as to decrease our impact on the environment, but I still know it's huge.

2. I (like Lee) LOVE a long hot shower. Some days it's the only time i have to 'myself', as Ruby tends to just run around the upstairs while I shower, reading books and playing.

3. I drive more often than I should. I do drive a hybrid, and I try as often as possible to combine trips, but still I could do better. My husband bikes to work, but I can't do that...as there aren't showers at my office, and besides, i'm a horrible cyclist!

4. I (like Lee) LOVE shoes. I prefer leather over man made, as they last longer and don't end up in a landfill in a year, but still, I should probably own less. ( i say as I look at new boots...)

5. I don't compost. We are hoping that this will be remedied this spring, but with the basement remodel, who knows if we'll get it done.

6. I love to travel. We fly many times a year, to visit family, friends, and to vacation. It's the least green thing you can do. We do offset out carbon emissions tho, so I'm trying.

7. Our house is old and drafty, and could be better insulated. we keep the heat relatively low (68 tops, but usually 66 during the day, and 60 at night) but it's cool within minutes of the heat shutting off. We cozy up under blankets while watching movies, and reading, and wear layers, but we should get new windows, and better insulation.

8. I use my dryer way too much. In the warmer months I hung 80% of our laundry to dry out side, but in the wet months it takes SO LONG to dry stuff inside. I should be more patient!

9. Processed foods. We don't eat a ton of them, but there are a few that we should part with. I am a sugar lover... sigh, sugar, my friend, my enemy!

10. We get way too much junk mail. this needs to be remedied. period.

11. Our downspouts aren't disconnected. They were, but then our basement flooded... which sucked. We should find a better way to deal with our rain water... like barrels. :)

12. My kids conception was expensive and probably hell on the environment, and her siblings will be too. Ruby was an IVF baby, lots of drugs and expense. I'd say i feel guilty about this, but nope. I don't. it's the only way I'd get to have a baby, so be it.

13. I knit with wool yarn, that isn't always organic. :shrug: I'm reaching here, folks.

So there you go. What can I say? I'm only human. :) but I'm trying!

Trying to make sense of it all...

Tuesday January 15th, 2008
Some days you just don't get it, you know? Some days you just feel like the world doesn't make sense, and that you have no clue what is happening out there. Today a mama friend of mine died. She was young and beautiful and kind and generous. She left behind two beautiful girls, and a loving husband and more dogs that adored her than you could imagine.
She was funny, SO FUNNY, that some things she said years ago still make me giggle. She was honest, and true and LOYAL. She would stand up for someone she loved till the ends of the earth. She knew what she wanted and did what she needed to achieve it. Becoming a mother was a hard road for her, but she made it, and did it with more grace than I would have in her shoes.
She was amazing, she was my friend, and now she's gone. It just doesn't make sense. They think she died of a blood clot, which although horrible isn't shocking, as she'd had issues with clotting. She was just so young. too young.
My Gma also died this week, and although I'm incredibly sad, it's not a shock, and it's not senseless. She had lived her life, she did amazing things, and had the opportunity (whether or not she took it) to atone for her mistakes. She traveled, saw her children grow, and met all of her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She lived a long life. I'm so sad she's gone, but it didn't rock me like my friends death did.

Rest in Peace, Helen Young, and Shannon Millar. You will be missed

SPT

Thursday Thirteen

I heard about Thursday Thirteen from my friends Lee and Breana so here is my first installment.

Mamazen's 13 green habits

1. Recycling. Ryan used to work in the recycling industry, so we're pretty well versed in recycling.

2. Reducing. We only have our garbage picked up once a month. Shocking, I know! but we really don't produce much when we recycle so much.... and don't buy packaged stuff.

3. Cloth bags. We use cloth bags 99% of the time we are shopping. When we forget, or stop somewhere unexpectedly, we ask for paper whenever possible. We use canvas bags and cloth produce bags (for produce and for bulk items)

4. Cloth Diapers. Ruby has been in cloth diapers almost exclusively since birth. It's so much easier than anyone who hasn't tried it will tell you! We use a variety of things, and she's NEVER really had a rash (well she had one when she had hand foot and mouth, but that wasn't diaper related!). We wash them ourselves (in a HE washer/dryer) and hang them to dry often in the warmer months.

5. Cloth pads. Yes! i use cloth pad for my monthly cycle. I started using cloth right after I had ruby for post partum bleeding, and I never looked back. I hadn't used reuseable products in a long time, but using cloth is so comfortable, and I bleed less, and have less cramps. Ok, i never really had cramps before but still.

6. Reuse. We shop used whenever possible. Honestly I try to shop used before I shop new all the time, but sometimes, it doesn't work that way. I love thirft shopping, and so do many of my friends, it's fun that way, and you find a lot of fashion you wouldn't be willing to try if you didn't have other eyes looking!

7. Green Cleaning. We use non toxic cleaners exclusively in our home. There are so many enzyme based cleaners available (we use Life Tree and BioKleen) that we don't miss using the bleach and chemical based things of the old days. lol

8. Klean Kanteen. We use stainless steel water bottles instead of plastic. Water smells good, tastes good and they're cute! We've got multiple sizes, and even a sippy cup for ruby! She also has a Sigg bottle, that she loves too.

9. Ditching plastic. We are trying our best to reduce the amount of plastic that lives or passes through our home. We use glass for storing our left overs, and are trying to avoid buying new plastic toys or objects. It's not always possible, but we're trying!

10. Hybrid. We bought a used (yay!) 2002 Prius last year, and love it. It's cute, fun to drive and SO EFFICIENT!

11. More cloth! we use cloth napkins, cloth dish rags and cloth for cleaning. Like Lee it takes us a long time to go through a roll of paper towels.

12. Shopping locally. We avoid big box stores as much as possible. It's not hard, if you're willing (and able) to occasionally spend a little more at a small independently owned shop for the same things. As a small business owner, i love supporting others in the same boat. We shop at the farmers market in the summer, at our local grocer instead of the big box grocer and local shops as much as possible.

13. Fresh food! we try to avoid eating very much prepackaged processed food. less waste, less production, more yum!

So there it is... next week I'll give you my Un-Green Thirteen! It won't be pretty!

SPT

My first foray into self portrait tuesday. Theme is "Celebrate"... today there wasn't much celebration at my house. I have a kid with a mild (but annoying cold), and I didn't sleep a wink last night (not due to her... unknown insomnia), so it was a slow tired day. I didn't take the camera out all day, a rarity lately.
So I give you this... This
This picture was from a few weeks ago, after Ruby had gone to bed at a decent time (another rarity lately!) and we were about to watch a movie. Now THAT is a celebration in this house!