Recently I started running. Yes. Me. A runner.
I know, it's weird. Trust me It's really weird. I NEVER thought I'd want to run anywhere that wasn't away from vampires or bears. I always scoffed at people who were runners, joking that it was good for business and they should keep on running but that they were fools and it was a boring way to exercise. And then I started running.
It wasn't like I really put much thought into it. Well, that's not entirely true. A while back I decided to reconnect with my body by doing yoga every day for 40 days... but I'm gonna be honest and tell you that didn't happen. But still, the intent to get in touch with my body and give it some healthy attention was there. So, a few weeks ago, everyone I knew was posting about running and the couch to 5 K program and yada yada yada... I downloaded the app for my phone and read it over. Walk for 5 minutes, run for 60 seconds, walk for 90 ... and I thought, I can do this.
The next morning, I put on my shoes and I hit the road. And it was fun. Fun. FUN? none of my runner friends ever said it was fun. Pandora with a good beat in my head and it was fun. Two days later I did it again, alternating yoga on the days I wasn't running. I started waking up thinking "I get to run today". A week later, I bought new shoes and started the program from day one to get used to the new minimalist shoes.
Today I ran a second day in a row, because even though my plan was to run every other day and alternate with yoga, I have a yoga class tomorrow and I really wanted to get out tonight. This week is week 2 C25K so it's run for 90 seconds walk for 2 minutes. Halfway through the 30 minute program I just kept going, running straight through the walk and into the next run. I ran for 5 minutes straight. And it felt fucking fantastic.
I just had a moment where I thought ... If I can do *this* then I can do *anything*.
And that, my friends in the computer, is why I started running. Because I never thought I could, or would and I can. If I can do this, then I CAN get pregnant again. And if I can get pregnant again, then I can have a VBAC. You see, it's not just about this step, it's the end game. I'm a couple of months away from doing this cycle yet, but my plan was to get my anxiety under control (anxiety? what anxiety, I haven't seen that bitch in a month), to exercise regularly, and just feel good, calm, relaxed, ready.
Because if I can do THIS. I can do ANYTHING.