It seems I rarely post much on saturdays. Why would I? Saturday is boring. Coffee, play outside in the dirt, more coffee, someone poops, more coffee. Then we eventually make a menu and grocery list and one or some or all of us go grocery shopping. Then there is probably more coffee. Sometimes we do something exciting like a birthday party, or meeting up with friends, but usually it's a bike ride and some bubble tea. Then some yard work or playing in the water or if it's too hot or too cold, a movie. Dinner is almost always Pizza and then it's off to bedtime.
Tonight I opted for a silly rom-com intstead of blogging, as I'm at my parents house for a couple days respite. I should have chosen writing, because as could have been predicted the girl gets the boy and the movie ends with a burgeoning belly...just as i begin a new cycle on day 22.
Eff you ovaries, eff you.
Truthfully, I'm wiped out from a post vacation meltdown day. Ruby was cantankerous from the moment we got out of bed, which was stupid early. My mom is visiting since ruby doesn't have school for the next two weeks so she kept her occupied for the afternoon, but every moment I was around ruby felt free to completely let her tantrumy hair down.
I know these days will happen, and that they won't last forever, but holy hell they sure do last long when you're in it.
She's currently asleep on my lap, which is a beautiful respite after too many later bedtimes and way too early wake ups. I think this calls for wine and knitting...
Yesterday you turned FOUR. You are four years old. FOUR. How in the world does that happen? It honestly just seems like yesterday that we were oh so patiently awaiting your arrival, completely unaware of who you would become.
It seems like just yesterday that you were finally placed in my waiting arms for the first time and my heart broke into a thousand tiny pieces and was instantly melded into a completely new heart that I never knew could exist.
Since that moment, the last 4 years have been mind blowing and challenging and healing and amazing. Even before you were conceived, you were forcing me to rethink my boundaries, my ideas, my plans. Then you arrived and have been on your own time line ever since. You do things on your terms, with your schedule. You are your own person, and have shown me how to be a more patient and compassionate person. I'm a better mother because you are my child, and a better person for loving you.
Your birthday letter is a day late this year because we went to the beach to celebrate you, and didn't have great internet access, so I chose to just enjoy the moments and write about them later. We spent 4 days and 3 nights at Bella Beach, a place we've gone at least once a year since you were born, usually with friends or family. This house had a loft that you found to be perfect for snuggling and belly blowing and pretend tooting and hilarious laughing. We also had a hot tub (which was more warm than hot) that you took a swim in at least twice a day, sometimes for an hour at a time. You loved 'swimming' in this 'bathtub' and started jumping in and allowing yourself to be fully submerged in an incredibly brave way. You've been adept at holding your breath for a long time, but this was something entirely different. It certainly made your daddy and I think about having a year round tub outside.
We took you to the Oregon Coast Aquarium, and had a lovely time, despite the fact that they wouldn't let you take your shoes off, or climb on the rocks that are clearly perfect height for climbing. You enjoyed having a conversation with some Jellyfish and were thrilled with the shark tunnel. (I'd post pictures, but none of them turned out). You also enjoyed a short time down on the beach, but it rained a lot, so most of our outside time was in the hot tub. We tried to take you to see Toy Story 3 (since 1 and 2 are two of your favorite movies) but you'd been up way too early that morning and you were really in a bad mood, so we opted for the short can nap and (sadly) the painful afternoon that followed. Thankfully another dip in the pool after some strawberry ice cream cheered you right up.
You absolutely LOVE music and singing and especially everyone singing together, so you were overjoyed with us singing Happy Birthday to you. You loved it so much, we had to do it four times before we could cut the cake. A week ago you devoured some of this cake at your school picnic, but on your actual birthday you wanted nothing to do with it, and instead opted for more puffs and then half of a home made cheese pizza.
My dear amazing Ruby, I can't believe you've been my daughter for four years. It seems like forever and yet it seems like you just got here. I am so grateful that you joined our family, that you made me a mother, and your father the amazing daddy that he is. I'm thankful for the joy you bring to my life, and also thankful for the way you challenge me to be present in every moment with you.