In a word? suck it. You have been the worst year ever. I'm glad you're done, cause you sucked. You started off with such potential, we had an FET planned for late January and I was for sure going to be pregnant and have a perfectly healthy baby by the end of you. Well, I got pregnant but then that didn't work out so well, did it? See? you suck.
As devastating as that was, we had more frozen embryos, so we planned another FET and moved on. Spring arrived and along with planting a garden of tomatoes and zucchini, we thawed out two more freezer tots and hoped for the best. Oh no, you, 2009 decided to fuck that up too. They barely survived the thaw and obviously didn't decide to take up residence in my embryo eating uterus. Thanks for that, 2009, I really liked that part.
So, summer began and we tried to figure out how to pay for a fresh IVF cycle. We scraped together money, were lent some, gifted some and magicked some out of thin air. Surely, it worked once before, it should work this time, right? Surely, this time, this was what we needed, right? HA! again, you, 2009 threw a wrench in it. Not only did it not work, but apparently we not only have male factor infertility, we also have added some crappy ovaries to the mix. Not only did it not work, but we didn't even get any freezer tots out of the deal. $15K for nothing? Oh, I had a good cry, but that's not worth $15K now is it? I can rent Steel Magnolias for $3.50.
At the same time all of this was happening, I started noticing my sweet girl was clearly not progressing like her peers. She had some language delays and some intense tantrums. We called in some experts to evaluate, and my deepest fears were made truth, Ruby is on the autism spectrum. So we then set about starting therapies, rearranging how we run the house and what we do/don't do in order to support her and help her learn to communicate.
Double whammy, eh, 2009? No chance on a second child and the one I was granted has developmental delays and challenges. Yeah, you suck ass, I'd like a refund, please.
The only good thing that came out of you was one great trip to Maui. My girl was happy, swimming in the ocean breathing in the fresh air and learning new words/phrases daily. My sad and broken husband went snorkeling and scuba diving and rediscovered his love of the ocean, and I found hope in my shattered heart. I ovulated while on the island and somewhere in my broken being I started to believe in miracles.
Oh, you, 2009. You gave me that last, tiny shred of hope... and then you ripped it away. Happy fucking New Years. Happy full moon. Happy BLUE moon on New Years Eve. No... happy red moon you fucking shitcake of a year.
With that, I let you go. Move on into the ethers, 2009 and let me be. Let me march forward into 2010 with a new hope, a new plan, a new anything. Let 2010 bring us our deepest wish, or at least peace with what is to be. Step aside 2009 and let something new and possibly less sucky take over. Please.