My girl is two. TWO. It just seems so ... BIG. Lately she struggles with wanting to be independent and wanting help or to be close to mama. I love seeing her grow up, but I too struggle with her independence, as it makes my heart soar and ache at the same time.
This is what motherhood is all about, and honestly, it's my favorite part. Watching this little person become a person is so exciting and challenging and rewarding. Feeling her pull away from me to do things herself or try things on her own is both a proud and a sad moment. Of course she'll run off and do something that blows my mind, and then the next minute she wants 'up-eeee!' and to settle in for a snuggle. Watching a child grow is like panning across a landscape, not knowing what it's going to look like in 20 feet... but as you look back it all makes sense.
TWO. She's been in my life for two years. How did I ever exist without her? Who was I before she came along? Of course I existed with out her, and damn if I wasn't a pretty fabulous person then too... but truly part of my soul just cracked wide open the moment I held her little body, and the cracks and fissures get deeper every day that I know her, revealing more of myself than I ever knew was there. I find that (on perfect days) I have endless creativity, boundless energy and bottomless patience. Of course there are days that I don't have any of those things, but knowing that our days are shaping who she is, reminds me to reach for that energy and patience.
Motherhood is not for the weak. It blows my mind everyday that I'm someone's mama, and I'm thankful every chance I get.