Mamazen

Dear Universe...

I don't ask you for much, but a while back, I asked you for a wee little favor ... so now I'm back to say

Thank you
Born at 32 weeks, after 4 weeks on bedrest due to premature rupture of membranes, I give you

Shoghi
3 lbs 7 oz
8/8/8 at 3:15 am

and
Maxwell
3 lbs 15 oz
8/8/8 at 3:16 am

Both boys are doing amazing for being early arrivals, breathing on their own and generally wowing everyone who sees them. They are a delight and a joy, and I'm blessed to be a part of their lives. Their mama on the other hand has become, well a MAMA. Watching her morph beautifully into this role has filled my heart with a new level of love and admiration for her. She dealt with a 4 week hospital stay with more grace and brilliance than I ever could, and has brought these beautiful blessings earthside with strength and resilience. I'm honored to be a part of their lives, and so excited to share my life with them. We're in for a wild ride babies!

So, thank you, universe/god/whathaveyou. It sure is nice when one of our own ends up on the happy side of things.

Harvest!

Summer is here in full force, and the fruits (well vegetables) of my gardening labors are arriving.

We pulled our first zucchini and butter stick squash for dinner this week

Clearly there are a lot more where that came from.

These little beauties are just waiting in the wings for dinner this weekend.

Mmmm Oregon Sugar Peas. Delightful fresh off the vine or even better lightly sauteed with a little balsamic vinaigrette.

Mmmmmmmm.

Next up, tomatoes. We have 5 plants this year, and 4 of them have little green fruits on them, hopefully with the heat we're having they will start turning red and yellow and Ruby and Celeste and I (Ryan doesn't like tomatoes!) will have a grand time snacking on them. The rainbow chard is finally looking like it may produce a little, and the lettuce still hasn't bolted, shocking for mid july! The soybeans and green beans are coming on slow, but hopefully we will get a few meals from each. I think the squash will be our big harvest this year, hopefully some will be eaten, and some will be frozen for winter.

Speaking of freezing things... we purchased our first cow this year! we split a 1/2 cow with my sister's family and are excited to see how long 153 lbs of cow (once it's butchered it's less, due to the bones and such) will last us. We also will have 8 or so farm fresh chickens (roasted one last week, and it was divine) in the new freezer we're putting in the basement. each chicken is between 6-8 lbs... which is a few meals for this family.

Besides getting grass fed meat in the freezer, we're also putting up jam like there's no tomorrow round these here parts. My goal is to put up 60 jars of jam by the end of the summer, and we've got quite a few already. I've made 9 jars of raspberry, 2 blueberry, 4 blueberry raspberry, 5 strawberry, 8 strawberry rhubarb and 1 lone marionberry. We're picking more blueberries this weekend, and maybe some more marionberries... and eventually blackberries. YUM. Then of course there are peaches in the late summer/early fall. PEACH JAM.... divine.
I'm also hoping to put up some jars of tomato sauce, and apple sauce. We'll see if other summer plans get in the way of all of this, who knows!

Two

My girl is two. TWO. It just seems so ... BIG. Lately she struggles with wanting to be independent and wanting help or to be close to mama. I love seeing her grow up, but I too struggle with her independence, as it makes my heart soar and ache at the same time.
This is what motherhood is all about, and honestly, it's my favorite part. Watching this little person become a person is so exciting and challenging and rewarding. Feeling her pull away from me to do things herself or try things on her own is both a proud and a sad moment. Of course she'll run off and do something that blows my mind, and then the next minute she wants 'up-eeee!' and to settle in for a snuggle. Watching a child grow is like panning across a landscape, not knowing what it's going to look like in 20 feet... but as you look back it all makes sense.

TWO. She's been in my life for two years. How did I ever exist without her? Who was I before she came along? Of course I existed with out her, and damn if I wasn't a pretty fabulous person then too... but truly part of my soul just cracked wide open the moment I held her little body, and the cracks and fissures get deeper every day that I know her, revealing more of myself than I ever knew was there. I find that (on perfect days) I have endless creativity, boundless energy and bottomless patience. Of course there are days that I don't have any of those things, but knowing that our days are shaping who she is, reminds me to reach for that energy and patience.

Motherhood is not for the weak. It blows my mind everyday that I'm someone's mama, and I'm thankful every chance I get.

our family in stick

Create your own family sticker graphic at pYzam.com

Success, Failure and a surprise radish.

I spent the afternoon hanging clothes on the line and then watering the garden. I spent some time surveying what was doing well, and what wasn't. Sadly there are several things not doing well this year. The bush beans look miserable and the pole beans (take two) never even sprouted.
The broccoli looks like it won't be doing anything other than bolting and the chard is slow to move (but it's really pretty!I'm disappointed, but such is life in the garden.

Several things, however, are looking very promising!
The strawberries have many berries, and a few ripen each day, enough for my little monkey to nosh every time we go outside.

The zucchinis are showing many buds, and I can't wait to saute those little guys up!

The lettuce is delicious, and we are sampling it almost daily with home made dressing.
The tomatoes are looking great, and will hopefully start producing fruit sometime soon. The onions and shallots are growing and should give us a decent amount of yum for the winter.

And then.. while watering, I spied a surprise within some weeds...

Mindfulness, striving for it.

Lately, parenting my almost two year old is a trying time. She is cranky, and clingy and needy. She wants what she wants NOW, and if she doesn't get it she throws things or tantrums. It's not easy to deal with when it's short lived, but when it's day after day, it's exhausting. When you combine this with a toddler who skips naps and who fights falling asleep till 11 pm, it is complete crazy making.
Trying to keep her happy and distracted throughout the day is hard work, and on no nap days damn near impossible on my own. Taking her out can sometimes be good, as she has some fun, yet her wick is short and it's not always fair to people we go play with to have a cranky angry toddler around. Sometimes we resort to Signing Times or Toy Story to get through the last few hours of the day, and sometimes we just go from moment to moment hoping for and early bedtime, and trying not to lose my cool.
As this week has worn on, as I got more and more tired of the whole situation, and as I felt more and more at the end of my rope, I realized I needed to shift my perspective in order to get through this period. I realized that I needed to think more about how my little girl was feeling, and focus less on my own frustration. She gets cranky and wants my attention because she's not getting it. She's going through a growth period emotionally and physically and she wants me to be a part of it, and I'm busy trying to clean the house and cook the meals and run a business. She's frustrated because she can't fully articulate what she wants, and she can't get the things she wants for herself... and I'm slow on the up take of both of those things for her. She's clingy because I'm setting boundaries around how often she can nurse (nope, not every 45 minutes!) and she's feeling the need to be close to me.
I realized that it was time to dial things back a bit and spend a lot of time breathing deeply and getting down to her level. I won't say that once I had this realization that everything was roses and sunshine, but when I was able to really focus on her and what was happening in that moment, it WAS better. I won't say I didn't lose my cool more than once after making this realization, cause I did... but I gave her a lot more of myself before I needed to leave the room.
Our lives have taken on a breakneck speed of busyness lately. The basement remodel is starting to look like it's going to wrap up soon, with that the household is in constant motion, and daddy is extra busy. Spring means gardening which means extra housework, and the laundry and dishes aren't going to do themselves. I'm a social person by nature, and it seems this is birth blessing and birthday season. Running a household, a business or two and keeping up friendships makes for a busy mama. Ruby is my (almost) constant companion, so we spend a lot of time out and about... and it's wearing on both of us. I'm not adept at letting things slide too much, but the laundry is allowed to pile up a little more and the state of chaos of the house is getting higher and higher, and i'm not tackling it as often (not to say it doesn't annoy me!). There is an end in sight thankfully to much of it. We've got a fun weekend/early week of family (Ru's cousins) coming to play and then a week after that our housemate/vice husband/live in builder moves on to different pastures. I think the weekend after he goes, which will be Ruby's birthday weekend, we'll take some friends up on their offer of using their beach house and have a quiet weekend just the three of us.
Life with a little person is short (ha ha ha) and can be incredibly sweet if we let it. My goal for this weekend is to do less multitasking and more mini-tasking with my little mini. We've got a lot planned, but with her hand in mine, hopefully we can get through the days with a little more grace and a little less crank.

Mindfulness, striving for it.

Lately, parenting my almost two year old is a trying time. She is cranky, and clingy and needy. She wants what she wants NOW, and if she doesn't get it she throws things or tantrums. It's not easy to deal with when it's short lived, but when it's day after day, it's exhausting. When you combine this with a toddler who skips naps and who fights falling asleep till 11 pm, it is complete crazy making.
Trying to keep her happy and distracted throughout the day is hard work, and on no nap days damn near impossible on my own. Taking her out can sometimes be good, as she has some fun, yet her wick is short and it's not always fair to people we go play with to have a cranky angry toddler around. Sometimes we resort to Signing Times or Toy Story to get through the last few hours of the day, and sometimes we just go from moment to moment hoping for and early bedtime, and trying not to lose my cool.
As this week has worn on, as I got more and more tired of the whole situation, and as I felt more and more at the end of my rope, I realized I needed to shift my perspective in order to get through this period. I realized that I needed to think more about how my little girl was feeling, and focus less on my own frustration. She gets cranky and wants my attention because she's not getting it. She's going through a growth period emotionally and physically and she wants me to be a part of it, and I'm busy trying to clean the house and cook the meals and run a business. She's frustrated because she can't fully articulate what she wants, and she can't get the things she wants for herself... and I'm slow on the up take of both of those things for her. She's clingy because I'm setting boundaries around how often she can nurse (nope, not every 45 minutes!) and she's feeling the need to be close to me.
I realized that it was time to dial things back a bit and spend a lot of time breathing deeply and getting down to her level. I won't say that once I had this realization that everything was roses and sunshine, but when I was able to really focus on her and what was happening in that moment, it WAS better. I won't say I didn't lose my cool more than once after making this realization, cause I did... but I gave her a lot more of myself before I needed to leave the room.
Our lives have taken on a breakneck speed of busyness lately. The basement remodel is starting to look like it's going to wrap up soon, with that the household is in constant motion, and daddy is extra busy. Spring means gardening which means extra housework, and the laundry and dishes aren't going to do themselves. I'm a social person by nature, and it seems this is birth blessing and birthday season. Running a household, a business or two and keeping up friendships makes for a busy mama. Ruby is my (almost) constant companion, so we spend a lot of time out and about... and it's wearing on both of us. I'm not adept at letting things slide too much, but the laundry is allowed to pile up a little more and the state of chaos of the house is getting higher and higher, and i'm not tackling it as often (not to say it doesn't annoy me!). There is an end in sight thankfully to much of it. We've got a fun weekend/early week of family (Ru's cousins) coming to play and then a week after that our housemate/vice husband/live in builder moves on to different pastures. I think the weekend after he goes, which will be Ruby's birthday weekend, we'll take some friends up on their offer of using their beach house and have a quiet weekend just the three of us.
Life with a little person is short (ha ha ha) and can be incredibly sweet if we let it. My goal for this weekend is to do less multitasking and more mini-tasking with my little mini. We've got a lot planned, but with her hand in mine, hopefully we can get through the days with a little more grace and a little less crank.

Thursday Thirteen... ok it's friday, but...

I was out in the garden today and decided it was a perfect topic for TT... so without further ado...
Thirteen things growing in my garden

SQUASH! I sprouted a variety of squash seeds and then put them out in the 'pumpkin patch' where we left a couple of pumpkins composting from last year. Once everything was leafing out, I thinned things out and they are taking off! I'm hoping that we get a decent amount of winter squash, but if it's all zucchini, well then I guess we will have a LOT of zucchini bread this winter!

FENNEL! I have no idea where this came from, a volunteer from my neighbors yard, I think. One of them will be transplanted to Adina's house and the other two will continue to live in the squash/pumpkin patch and eventually become something delish!

STRAWBERRIES! or shabbies as Ruby says. We planted 5-6 strawberries last year and now they are taking off. If it ever warms up, we should have enough for breakfast on a regular basis! yum!

Oregon Sugar Peas. YUM. These were planted from seeds that were sprouted in my kitchen sprouter... and they are taking off like crazy. I am hoping for a fab haul that can be frozen, and eaten of course! I am also planning to re-seed a second time mid june for a late summer harvest. We'll see if I remember to do that.

CHIVES! Garlic chives smell and look delightful, and are a fab addition to a salad dressing or omelette.

LETTUCE and SPINACH! Nothing says welcome to spring/summer like a freshly picked salad. Last week we picked up lettuce at the farmer's market, but looks like we need to eat it fast because our garden is about to really take off. I planted a variety of lettuce and hopefully enough spinach to freeze some for later.

TOMATOES. This year I planted 5 plants, two roma, one heirloom, one beefsteak, and one yellow pear. My plan is to put up as many cans of stewed tomatoes and tomato sauce as I can, as we go through a LOT of them in the winter with lasagna and spaghetti.

ONIONS, SHALLOTS and GARLIC. We eat so many of these all year long. I'm hopeful this little patch will yield enough to last several months, if kept in our cool basement pantry area. This pix doesn't look too pretty, but the harvest will be fantastic.

NASTURTIUMS! These are delicious, attract bees and are beautiful. I always plant them around my veggie beds, and this year is no disappointment.

LUPINE! last year, I threw wildflower seeds in between the vegetables, thinking it would keep things lively, and in the end all it did was hide things like the beans, that I forgot to harvest at all. Most of the wildflowers from last year never came back, but this lupine did, and it got moved to a nearby bed. it's happy, and gorgeous and a reminder that every year, each garden is an experiment that you learn from.

I've also got chard, broccoli, soy beans, pole beans, kale, carrots, beets, parsnips, and cilantro, but none of those pictures made the grade. This year, is the first time in a long time my garden makes me proud. Last year it was cobbled together at the last minute, and I forgot about harvesting many things as our summer got crazy. The year before I planted very few things as the landscaping had just been done and then I went and had a baby, and the two years before I was too depressed by infertility to attempt growing anything at all. But this year, my efforts seem to be rewarding me before I even harvest. Just looking at all the fresh growing GREEN makes me happy. This is also the first year I've kept a journal or a notebook about the garden, and I made a map and plan before I bought seeds and starts. I thought about starting a garden blog, like Adina, but i can barely keep up this one and haven't posted on my knitting blog in 200 years, so I'd better just keep it all in one place!

Falling behind... behind what?

So many things are running through my head, so many things I want to finish, want to start want to know want to do. I'm inspired and excited and overwhelmed. So... list making it is. Projects/plans for the spring/summer

1. Garden and preserve. I'm reading Animal Vegetable Miracle (just like everyone else I know) and am more inspired than ever to can and preserve as much as I can from my own garden (and local farms). Things are sprouting up and looking lovely, I'll post pix this week if I can.

2. Shop locally. Inspired by AVM, and the 100 mile diet, finding out where our food comes from and making local purchases when ever possible. There will be things that we just can't get locally, so we will either do without or compromise.

3. Go wheat/gluten free. This is not one I'm excited about, but I think it's a necessity. My eczema has been constantly inflamed and I think ditching wheat/gluten may be the only salve. Sigh, not easy, not fun but we'll see how it goes.

4. Finish at least one of the books for Ruby. I'm doing a book of my pregnancy, her birth and each year of her life... basically her blog, edited with booksmart. I had hoped to finish the pregnancy book by her 1st birthday, but it's still not done... and neither are the others. I want them to be done for her, so I will work on them at least once a week during naptime (ha! naptime!) till they are ready to be printed.

5. Continue house/yard upkeep as we finish the basement remodel. We are getting excitingly close to having the basement finished for my home office finished so that I can work from home. Once it's ready, (hopefully by late june/ early july) I will be able to spend more time with my kid and actually make money instead of barely treading water. (ie: i will be able to pay my student loans back, ugh).

6. Prepare for the arrival of the TWINS! My dear friend is expecting two amazing boys this fall and will be living with us from August till the boys are a few months old. FUN!

7. Finally, spending less time online. Many people go on internet diets occasionally, and now it's my turn. I'm finding I have less desire to read blogs and message boards, and want to spend more time reading and knitting... without multitasking. Although IM is a main way i communicate with friends, I am feeling the need to disconnect and meet up in person. Of course the high gas prices are a deterrent from driving much, but getting out and seeing humans is pretty important too. What's the use of living if you are stuck home alone?

With that I am off to sleep.. SLEEP! what a concept!

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